Hello faithful followers!
Sorry for the crummy gap between posts, I am a notorious procrastinator and have a few dozen ideas for new posts that may or may not be seeing this keyboard anytime soon. Anyway, in case you care, I am in a happy relationship. I like this person very much and I hope to be with them for a long while. Unfortunately this relationship is continuously haunted by one large mistake. Before I go into too many details, let me 'splain a thing or two to ya'. I am a dog person. I. Hate. Cats. I think dogs are smart, fun, respectful and loyal, and kitty cats are little fur-packaged bundles of Satan. I have, since birth ( and possibly in previous lives..) been allergic to cats, and when I say 'allergic to cats; I mean, twenty minutes of exposure to the little fluffy killing machines will have me putting a bottle of benadryl into my system every hour for the next day or so, like my body's survival now depended on the constant river of nasty liquid that spilled down my throat. Without it, I'm a mess, a grumpy, pukey mess. Not unlike a hangover... not that I'd know!.... Bur despite all of these things, when a kitten strolled by my girlfriend and stole her heart (little b*stard) I couldn't say no.
So there's a cat in my life now. To be honest ( God, don't tell my gf this... Or my mother... Oh, they're reading this?? .... Looove you!!! ... heh heh... ) I was hoping that the cat would make an attempt at my life ( he could do this by merely EXISTING) and I would be put in the hospital with a IV drip of Claritin going directly into my blood, and poof! no more kitty cat. Obviously my life is more important that this cat having a loving home. (jeez, its a joke. back of ASPCA!) But nooooo! God decided that for shits and giggles, he would 'cure' me of my cat allergies. Not. Cool. So not only do I hate this little rear-end, but I have no reasonable excuse to why he can't be around ! And let me tell you, He Knows It!!!! He knows my GF is a total pushover and he can get away with anything as long as he hides behind her puppy-pout. Knock over a glass??? Whoo ! Be a bitey, scratchy little Satan ??? Free Pass! Wake Quinn up a few hundred times a night??? No Problemo! Wait! You mean that chair DOESN'T look better with claw marks on it??? Who Knew??? Whaaattt?? you Don't want my paws all over your kitchen table??? How rude!! ( even though cats totally step all over their own... *searching for a good word to use.... failing search...* poo and tinkle in their litter box , then waltz all over EVERYTHING) GROSS! I seriously should be a spokesperson for Lysol at this point. (Lysol, if you're interested, I think the 'sarcastic promoter' thing has a lot of potential... jussayin)
The biggest problem is that when my gf is gone, and I'm chilling, reading a book or whatever Quinn does (HAHAHA! reading...) He comes up and snuggles me! (only when his better option is gone.. little poop-butt.) And he is SO CUTE. He will lay there on my belly (a good, squishy spot to lay I suppose) and he purrs. Despite my best efforts, I am fond of this little sh*t. That goes to show that my grinch-like hatred for cats is a little uncalled for. And my hear may not be growing anytime soon, but I suppose I wont remove his tags and dump him 50 miles away just yet...
Well that's all for now. I just have to hang on to the hope that he'll get abducted by aliens or something weird like that, because if someone tried to take him, I'd probably defend him. (then chase the person down after the cat's 'thank you' is biting my arm up like a chew toy)
I still hate cats, but there's an exception to every rule..
Laters people!
-Q
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