Wanna Be My Friend ??? I Promise I'm Not 100% Creepy!

It's days like today that I think "wow, I'm a loser" and my brain responds "heh heh, yeah you are, now find some food so you can eat your feelings". Ok, that's not a bad idea... Be right back...

OK! I have a Poptart. Where was I ?

Oh yeah, I'm a loser. (I'm sure most of you are sitting there like "Oh My God, she's just realizing this now???") Yes. Yes I am, and I guess I was ok with this for a while until I looked around and realized that I have no friends. I don't mean NO friends, but if I were to look through my phone right now I'd probably find like 2 people I'd call to hang out with. My friends have lives and school and other such things, and I guess I work and stuff, but things get lonely.

There's a point to this, I swear.

I remember my first three best friends were named Alyssa, Alyssa, and Melissa, (then there was Me. Courtney.... gross... why didn't my name rhyme?) we lived in Denver and went to the same preschool. Wanna know how I made those friends? I walked up to the Lego table and said "hey, you guys wanna be friends?" BAM! three friends. Like, what the hell ?? In the adult world that would be one of the weirdest things to do. Imagine a co-worker you never talk to, maybe they have stinky pits, or maybe they always groan when their candy is released from the vending machine, I don't know, someone you'd never gone out of your way to talk to, imagine they strolled (waddled, limped, demon-crawled) up to you and said "Hhhhey, wanna be frienddss??" all drawn out and breathy, you can feel your glasses start to fog up from their frito-smelling breath. ( I imagine everyone besides me is a total weirdo.) You (being a better person than me) would probably fake a smile and say "uh, Sure! Wanna grab a coffee? (bagel, cigarette, exorcism)?" and then you'll do everything in your reasonable power to avoid that person for the rest of either of your lives. (see if there's a different department/ branch that you can transfer to) and that would be that. Over. Done.

Here's the problem. You both have increased you friend circle by like .001% . (Which, If you didn't know, a normal friend is worth 1-5% unless its me. I'm 17% because I'm special.) So either way... Nothing happened there.

I'm trying to make friends / connect with old friends. Both are very hard endeavors, and I don't want to be Captain Frito-Face and creep someone out by forcefully imposing my friendship upon them. So here I sit... Eating a Po-tart... 

Well, at last I have you all to talk to , so thank you very much for making sure I don't lose my mind. (What's left of it anyway...)
My best to all of you.

-Q

If that cat ends up dead, It was probably me.

Hello faithful followers!
Sorry for the crummy gap between posts, I am a notorious procrastinator and have a few dozen ideas for new posts that may or may not be seeing this keyboard anytime soon. Anyway, in case you care, I  am in a happy relationship. I like this person very much and I hope to be with them for a long while. Unfortunately this relationship is continuously haunted by one large mistake. Before I go into too many details, let me 'splain a thing or two to ya'. I am a dog person. I. Hate. Cats. I think dogs are smart, fun, respectful and loyal, and kitty cats are little fur-packaged bundles of Satan. I have, since birth ( and possibly in previous lives..) been allergic to cats, and when I say 'allergic to cats; I mean, twenty minutes of exposure to the little fluffy killing machines will have me putting a bottle of benadryl into my system every hour for the next day or so, like my body's survival now depended on the constant river of nasty liquid that spilled down my throat. Without it, I'm a mess, a grumpy, pukey mess. Not unlike a hangover... not that I'd know!.... Bur despite all of these things, when a kitten strolled by my girlfriend and stole her heart (little b*stard) I couldn't say no.

 So there's a cat in my life now. To be honest ( God, don't tell my gf this... Or my mother... Oh, they're reading this?? .... Looove you!!! ... heh heh... ) I was hoping that the cat would make an attempt at my life ( he could do this by merely EXISTING) and I would be put in the hospital with a IV drip of Claritin going directly into my blood, and poof! no more kitty cat. Obviously my life is more important that this cat having a loving home. (jeez, its a joke. back of ASPCA!) But nooooo! God decided that for shits and giggles, he would 'cure' me of my cat allergies. Not. Cool. So not only do I hate this little rear-end, but I have no reasonable excuse to why he can't be around ! And let me tell you, He Knows It!!!! He knows my GF is a total pushover and he can get away with anything as long as he hides behind her puppy-pout. Knock over a glass??? Whoo ! Be a bitey, scratchy little Satan ??? Free Pass! Wake Quinn up a few hundred times a night??? No Problemo! Wait! You mean that chair DOESN'T look better with claw marks on it??? Who Knew??? Whaaattt?? you Don't want my paws all over your kitchen table??? How rude!! ( even though cats totally step all over their own... *searching for a good word to use.... failing search...* poo and tinkle in their litter box , then waltz all over EVERYTHING) GROSS! I seriously should be a spokesperson for Lysol at this point. (Lysol, if you're interested, I think the 'sarcastic promoter' thing has a lot of potential... jussayin)

The biggest problem is that when my gf is gone, and I'm chilling, reading a book or whatever Quinn does (HAHAHA! reading...) He comes up and snuggles me! (only when his better option is gone.. little poop-butt.) And he is SO CUTE. He will lay there on my belly (a good, squishy spot to lay I suppose) and he purrs. Despite my best efforts, I am fond of this little sh*t. That goes to show that my grinch-like hatred for cats is a little uncalled for. And my hear may not be growing anytime soon, but I suppose I wont remove his tags and dump him 50 miles away just yet...

Well that's all for now. I just have to hang on to the hope that he'll get abducted by aliens or something weird like that, because if someone tried to take him, I'd probably defend him. (then chase the person down after the cat's 'thank you' is biting my arm up like a chew toy)
I still hate cats, but there's an exception to every rule..

Laters people!
-Q

I wanna look good naked.

So today is day #1 on my FML, lets be healthy, fit or die, life-altering, masochistic... I forgot where I was going with this... Anyway, I tried running.           Tried.   ... Ruunninnngggg...... It was terrible. I felt better when I was sitting on the couch eating straight butter with a full pack of cigs in my mouth. Really!!!! You CANNOT tell me that heavy breathing, fast heart rate, pain in my legs and my side, and intense sweating, will make me 'better'. In NORMAL situations 4 out of 5 of those would get you an ambulance to the nearest ER. 
Who was the first person to say "oh man, I'm getting too fat, and technology had reduced the amount of manual  labor I have to do.... I know! I will CREATE meaningless manual labor! Hey everyone! I solved the worlds biggest problem!" ...
Tomorrow, I'm going to be walking like I have a bum full of fiberglass, and legs made of cement. My whole body will be protesting the torture I had put it through and you know what I'm going to do ??? I'm gonna do it again !!!
Wish me luck!!! >:(

I got lost

I am an excellent driver, don't get me wrong. But I could not find my butt if I were given a map of the area. This tragedy was proven on my way to a job interview, (lucky me!) I got off the highway and POOF!    I didn't know left from right, north from south, up from down! Luckily I had left early, but I would have traded the extra time for correct directions any day! Maybe not... I think it's kind of a wash when you think about it... So I'm driving in my 'stuffy clothes' completely guessing where the heck I'm going. (and I swear, I must have a four-leaf clover growing in my __enter body part here__) Because I totally found the right place! The direction Google maps gave me were SO wrong! But I managed to blindly follow my instincts (usually a BAD idea ) and arrived on time! Whoo!

Quinn  -  1
Google Maps - 0

Now I hope I get the job!
-Q

I ate applesauce and had this thought

I have realized that I have a strange fascination with things that come in plastic cups and requires a spoon to eat. Like Jello, or Pudding, maybe Applesauce. I love that stuff.

I went tubing

Today was nice, I got up early and got some schtuff done. Then my friends came and picked me up to go tubing at Nordic! WHOO! The whole thing was totally epic, but there was one run that was BEYOND memorable! So, the guy at the top of the hill decided that the one run that I wanted to go down first on (we line up and hold on to each others tubes), He would suggest to my idiotic friends that we go down on our bellies! On average, you can get up to around 50 MPH going down the hill. THAT'S TERRIFYING WHEN YOU'RE ON  YOUR BELLY! So here we were at the top of the hill, holding on to each others legs, getting a face full of butt, ready for the ride of our lives. And off we go! There was nothing more terrifying than being three feet in the air on your belly while going 50 mph down a snowy hill. Eyes leaking, hat trying to fly off of my head, hearing the screams of my friends behind me. I came SO CLOSE to peeing myself. HONESTLY. I thought I was going to need to change my undies!For those of you who don't know, here's a pic of the tubing area. (I don't own the pic, I got it from google.)








Yeah... WWAAAYY up there is where we started.    And you can't see it in the picture, but about 50 feet behind there, sits a BIG dirt hill to stop people from becoming road kill.                                                                                                       p
                                                                                                                                           p
We were probably still going around 10-15 mph when we reached that hill.   I went u             first, followed closely by my crazy companions, and for just a moment, I swear, time froze. Froze like our toes, noses, and other parts I'm still trying to thaw. And for that moment, we all just looked at each other, eyes wide, mouths open, the look of "OH SHIT" painted on our faces, before swiftly being piled at the bottom of the hill. Tubes and bodies collided in a massive bruised pile.                           IT   WAS                EPIC.
We all survived, and didn't need to change my undies.
Worth every terrifying penny.
stay cool ( I know I am!)
-Q

happy new year

My new year's resolutions are
-To try to do impossible things. Like turn coffee into a musical instrument. Or recreate the Mona Lisa using my feet and sharpies.
-Lose my voice for a full day and communicate like a gorilla.
-Finish a tube of chapstick
-Get a job that I don't hate and that pays in real money. (although I will take puppies for payment...)
-Publicly take credit for something when it's impossible that I had anything to do with it. (Niagara Falls, I made that possible.)
-Convince someone I'm famous. Get then to join my non-existent fan club.
-Move out of my parent's house and live in a crummy apartment.
-Regret that decision, but learn a hell of a lot from making that mistake.
-Cry while hanging upside down.
-Drive as far as I can until I run out of gas, Learn everything I can about the place where I wound up.
-Gain the trust of a wild animal. Preferably a bunny or a bird. (Nothing dangerous. I'm not THAT crazy!) (yes I am, I'm just too lazy to find a dangerous wild animal.)
-Write a story while in the dark. Like, can't see a damn thing dark. Preferably a scary story.
-Watch UP without crying.
-Get this blog popular.... It's possible. ... I'm Funny Dammit!

Happy New Year! Be safe, crazy, drunk, lovely, and Happy this year!
-Q