I made popcorn

So, funny story. While waiting for a lady to come check out my couch that I put on craigslist, (she's WAY late by the way anyone need a cheap couch? ) I decided to whip up some popcorn. But alas! The kitchen has a new powerful stainless steel microwave. (it WAS so clean!) But I was unaccustomed to such a mighty cooking machine and I REALLY wanted that popcorn, so I tossed in the bag and pressed the "popcorn" button. and listened for the popping to stop.
Hear me now people!!!
I  .  Followed  .  The  .  Directions    !!!
(yeah, I'm shocked too)
But the microwave decided to pull a fast one on me and instead of nicely cooking the popcorn, it freaking MEGA ROASTED half the popcorn and blatantly IGNORED the rest of the kernels. What is with the youth of appliances today??? Such attitude over a simple request!!! So I'm freaking out because I have this Death Bomb of a bag that smells like it crawled out of hell, and it might, at ANY moment, trigger the smoke detectors. And I don't want to anger the few people that are left on the floor by gassing out the kitchen or making them go out in the cold, So I'm running like a 70's era cartoon character, arms out clinging to the bag, down the hall and back to my dorm. I thrust open the window (it's like, 20 degrees out) and cover my dorm's smoke detector with a towel. And I heave the blackened, smoking remnants of the bag into the garbage and place it by my, now freezing, open window. Now I hunt for the Febreze, and spray that stuff like it's oxygen. Now I'm sitting here, half packed, freezing, in my room that smells like Febreze declared war on Orville Redenbacher, hoping that that lady shows up and buys this freaking couch because I want this evening to be DONE. Screw you Microwave, Screw you Popcorn, Screw you Couch, Screw you Arctic Window. I AM DONE.